this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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