I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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