I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
