Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This baby is an asshole
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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