I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
