Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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