5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Randomize
