and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
