you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
