I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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