Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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