Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
