Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
