I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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