Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
