I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
