Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
