I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize