you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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