'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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