my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think people are normalizing furries
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
