I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
