Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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