not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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