I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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