We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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