I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
