Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
