Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
