I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
