How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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