dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
