i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
