I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
