He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry about my life...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
