I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
