Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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