The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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