hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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