btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
