i jhust puked up my retainher.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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