I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
