rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Buhtt sex?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
