she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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