I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
