ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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