You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
