Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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