Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
