remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
