I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
