Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Mom said you looked used
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I just put wine in my tea
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
