Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
