u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
