I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
