im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
