I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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