There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
