The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
