broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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