whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
