if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
