So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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