Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
