I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
