this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
