why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
