just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
