your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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