found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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