Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
