Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
