Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
