It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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