ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
