i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
