It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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